An Absolute Surrender

 

Judah James Deen

12.27.2025 10:37am

7 pounds 14 ounces

21 inches

 

It was Christmas evening after everyone left our house, after an afternoon of hosting, eating, and gift giving, that I took our first born for a walk in the stroller to see the neighbor’s horses. I was eleven days “late” and was beginning to get nervous about the upcoming decisions we would have to make if I were to go to 42 weeks. I hadn’t seen or felt any signs of labor, but also was not totally confident in what to expect since our daughter had been a planned C-section birth due to partial placenta previa. We were almost home from our walk when I finally decided to bring it before the Lord. He already knew my worries and concerns, but I had to be the one to bring them before Him. I ask Him for peace surrounding it all, wisdom for what was to come, and that He would allow labor to begin so I wouldn’t have to make decisions.

 

Boy, did I not know what I was asking for! Feeling nostalgic, I began to watch Lapoon’s Christmas Vacation, but only made it halfway through before I began feeling sore. By the time bedtime rolled around, I was feeling quite crampy and achy in my lower back. I was most comfortable leaning over stacked pillows or lying on my side. We texted Dorothy, our midwife, and let her know what was going on. By this point, I had decided these were contractions given their rhythm and pressure described in experiences told by friends who had previously had vaginal births. Dorothy was excited for us, but recommended I get as much rest as possible. This continued through the night, but I was able to get broken rest. 

 

We stayed home all of the following day, Friday, checking out our new Christmas gifts, and playing with our daughter and her new toys. As the day wore on, things began to very slowly ramp up. My best friend, Alexandria, was in town from Colorado over Christmas. I had been messaging her to keep her up to date through the whole pregnancy and up to now. She offered to bring dinner from Muskegon to break up the evening and spend a little more time together before she had to head home on New Year’s. Chinese it was! By now, I was spending every eight minutes on the floor on my hands and knees riding out contractions. It felt a little dramatic but was most comfortable until they passed. My husband, Cody, put our daughter to bed around 8pm while Alexandria and I chatted off and on as we cleaned up and put the house to bed for the evening. We asked Alexandria if she had brought an overnight bag and she grinned saying, “of course.” This had been a quiet prayer of mine towards the end of labor. I really wanted her to be able to be at our home birth and to be a support person while I labored-God answers even the smallest requests. Contractions had become much closer together and I wasn’t in the mood for talking much by 10 pm. Cody and Alexandria began taking turns with hip compressions which were so, so helpful to counter the aches. Cody had been keeping Dorothy up to date and she was checking in periodically to hear how things were progressing. By 11pm, contractions were finally 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, and Dorothy was on her way. 

 

​​​​​​​​​​​​I was surprised by how long early labor was. We had read it can go on for days sometimes, but didn’t expect that that would be us. As soon as Dorothy arrived, I asked if I could get in the birth pool and she gave me the go ahead. Cody filled it up and I climbed in. Being in the pool caused everything to slow way down. I was able to relax and rest and contractions slowed as well. Cody would add boiling water to keep the temperature up and provide the relief I needed. Throughout all this, Dorothy was checking on us and checking the baby's heart rate while Alexandria and Cody rested. She prayed over us and we continued to rest. I had been throwing up often throughout my pregnancy and expected it during labor, especially since I knew it was going to be hard for me to keep anything down since nothing sounded good during labor. I got sick a couple times while I rested in the pool, but that was nothing new to me, so we kept plugging along. Eventually, Dorothy recommended I step out to use the restroom. That was awful. I hate getting out of the shower, so, of course, this was much worse. My mucus plug began to slightly give when I used the toilet--what a relief. Contractions began again, but still very sporadically even after getting out of the pool. I began to cry out of frustration with how long everything was taking. But isn’t that so typical to desire instant relief or the prize at the end without the patience and hard work which a process truly takes. So I went back to talking with God, asking Him to bring this new life to this side of the world. 

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I had lost track of time by now, and Cody and Alexandria were taking turns with hip compressions when it was needed. I continued on my hands and knees on the bed, letting the pressure ride in waves, then resting on pillows after. Dorothy came into the bedroom to see how things were going when a wave of pressure came, but this time with it the feeling to push! She was ecstatic. I began changing positions often from sitting backwards on the toilet, to squatting on one leg in the bathroom, and back to hands and knees. It was 6am. Our daughter, by God’s grace, had slept the whole night, which doesn’t happen often. Cody asked me if I would rather him take care of her when she woke up or ask his parents to come get her. I replied with, “No, I need you to be with me.” His dad came to get our daughter for the day. 

 

I was leaning over the bathroom vanity when I heard Dorothy’s assistants arrive. Maggie and Violet got right to work, setting out supplies, laying out towels, and checking the baby's heart rate. I found the birth stool comfortable enough to sit on while leaning back on Cody and squeezing Alexandria’s and Maggie’s hands during contractions. Not much was moving even though I was pushing. Dorothy asked if she could show me where to push and I told her to go for it. It wasn’t comfortable by any means, but it was so helpful! She, Maggie, and Violet were so verbally encouraging. I felt so supported and encouraged. I had been leaking fluid since I had lost the mucus plug, but I hadn’t felt my water break. Dorothy continued to show me where to push and let me know the baby's head was right behind a sack of fluid. I was on a mission. With each push, they exclaimed we were making great progress, and though I’m not sure how truthful that was, it kept me going. I pushed and felt a pop like a water balloon and heard fluid gush everywhere. They must have been right on it because after everything was over, there wasn't a spot of any fluid to be seen. I continued to push through each contraction that was so close together now, and Dorothy helped guide my hand to feel the baby's head. It was all so intense with so much pressure. At some point, I don't recall hearing it, but Dorothy exclaimed “full crown!” She recommended I try lying on my side on the bed to push by bringing my knees up to my chest during each contraction. It was not comfortable on my side, but Maggie and Alexandria helped me transition, while Violet kept a steady hand checking the baby's heart rate. Dorothy asked if I would like it if Cody prayed over me, but looking up at him holding my hand by my head and seeing him already in tears from exhaustion and emotion I gave him an out. Someone else prayed instead, and I continued to feel God’s peace through the end of labor. I began pushing as much as I could even without contractions because it felt better than trying to catch my breath or rest. It took every ounce of strength and energy I had to continue moving baby through the birth canal. Cody breathed with me throughout the crowning. I didn’t experience a fetal rejection reflex, but next thing I knew a fresh, crying baby was placed by my side and everyone was saying I could stop pushing now. 

 

After four and a half hours, I was a little overstimulated by everything, and the cord was short and pulling a bit, so I really just wanted someone else to hold the baby a minute. It was placed by my side and I asked what the gender was since we had been holding out for that surprise. They said a girl and I was thrilled to have another daughter! Dorothy says, “Well I didn’t check the gender yet.” Then Maggie lifts up its leg and says, “It’s a boy!” I was just as thrilled and glad I had been right about my instincts of it being a boy the whole 9 months and 11 days. 

 

Judah James was born sunny side up and healthy. The placenta came with a slight push within the half hour after birth, and though I so badly wanted a shower, Violet held me when I realized I wasn't strong enough for that quite yet. Shortly after, we were able to rest in the comfort of our home. It was just the three of us in those golden hours post birth and clean up. The ladies cleaned up so quickly and efficiently, even my husband was able to go make something to eat without worrying about helping them as well. What an immediate relief birth was and a labor surrounded in peace. We praise God for His mercies seen and unseen throughout pregnancy, labor, and birth.

 

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6